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  • Writer's pictureTia E.

Of Course, Sidechicks Have More Fun With Your Man

Let’s face it. Sidechicks and Sidedudes are becoming more and more talked about in society, and some have even become bolder and more open about being the side. These “extra people” are not a new concept, and ever since the beginning of time, there has been some type of side business going on in certain relationships (not every relationships). We have to accept that for some people they are ok with being the side. Calling them names like desperate, (insert sexual slur here), and homewreckers does not help the situation by any means. If you understand the benefits of being the side, you’ll understand that for some this is and will also be the better option for them and their situation. Some even prefer this situation over any other type of relationship. Below are 5 benefits of being the side, and they all seem lucrative to the right people.


They Get the Best of Your Significant Other (SO).

Remember when your partner used to give you those butterfly feelings, that made you melt every time they walked into the room? Remember when there was minimal arguing and y’all spent most of the time just wrapped up in each other’s love? Typically, this is what it is like on a regular basis when the side is with your SO. They get to see your SO true personality shine through. The very things that attracted you to your SO, they get to see on a “regular” basis. They get all of those warm and loving embraces. When your SO is with them, they get to get to take off those hats of responsibilities. They get to vent, and get loved on when they are finished. They typically don’t go through those intense conversations that lead to arguing over kids, household chores and bills. It’s all about them, and the time they have, to spend together.


They Have Flexibility.

Being the side means they have accepted in some way that they won’t get to spend as much time with your SO. They know this, so what do they do? WHATEVER they want! They can see their other SOs if they have them, spend time with their friends, do them. Basically. In a defined relationship you move different. Usually you consult with your SO about plans, especially those that are married. There is a certain freedom in being able to move as you please, plus being able to spend time with your SO when the time presents itself.


They Get to Travel More.

Sides aren’t staying in the house anymore. Those days are over, but they know it might be a slim chance to be able to do so locally. So how do they compromise? You guessed it, by going out of town. Even if it’s a day trip, that’s “special time” that the side gets to spend with your SO. It’s not necessarily pretending to be the “main” for that time, but they are being recognized as getting their needs met by going out with your SO. These “family, girl, guy trips” could be the perfect guise needed to make you less suspicious of your partners plans to be with the side all weekend with minimal consequence (in the moment). Imagine a whole weekend, day, or even a few hours dedicated to you, knowing it’ll be a day of drama free bliss with the person you love, and having amazing sex afterwards THEN going home to no share bills to address or kids to attend to?


They Are in Control.

In side relationships, the side person usually is the one that has the most control. If they understand “their role” there is minimal kickback when your SO cannot spend time with them, so they make due and make plans another time. Outside of those times, the side gets to make the rules of how they want the “situationship” to be defined. They demand their needs be met, they set rules and boundaries of what they will tolerate and are strong enough to walk away if what they agreed upon with your SO is not being upheld. Because of this the side can manipulate the situation in various ways that you haven’t thought about and get to go about their day “business as usual”.


They Get Gifts, Just Like You Do.

All of this February 15th is “National Sidechick Day” is BS, and I’ll tell you why. Your SO is still giving them gifts and celebrating them during various holidays, birthdays and even anniversaries ON TIME. I’ve seen sides receive gifts from their “boos” at their jobs on these special days. Think about it, people tend to celebrate holidays during various times of the day. Don’t be naïve, of course your SO has dropped off a gift with promises to return at a later time to attend to you “first”. Like I said previously, the sides know this and are ok with it. They are in the situations they are in for a reason. Sides are being spoiled, just like you are. They get those “just because” texts, and I miss you phone calls. In actuality, they might be getting more of that then you are.

No, they don’t necessarily get to “claim” your SO in public, but society has made it easy for sides to get to hide in plain sight under the guise of “a bond is stronger than a title” Or “They know what it is when we’re together”. The have the peace of knowing where their “boo” is when they are not with them or where your SO is sleeping at night, when they are not together. There’s a certain security that comes with being the side that makes it comfortable enough to remain the side. Most sides are loyal because of this.


HOWEVER, this only happens if you are not aware of it. If you are aware of it the whole games changes. If you know and it continues after you have told your SO to stop, it is because in some way you are allowing it. If you don’t follow through with the consequences you’ve set for these behaviors it will continue until you get it together. There is no benefits of having a “woman to woman” talk or “man to man” talk because the side has known about you, typically since day one. Your beef is with your SO and it should start and end there. If you’re not happy with the situation after you have already “checked” them, maybe it is time to consider alternatives such as counseling or leaving (if it comes to that). People treat you the way they do, because you allow it. Sides might have more fun, but only if you accept it.

T The Sex Therapist

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