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  • Writer's pictureTia E.

There’s Some Heaux In This House: 5 Reason Why Having a Heaux Phase Can Enhance Your Quality of Life

Updated: Feb 7

2020 was a crazy a year, quite the opposite of anything anybody has hoped for the year of “Perfect Vision”. Although we learned a new phrase, social distancing, it’s safe to say that as humans we still desire to be up close and personal with those we love, and those that want to love us. It’s even challenged many people to self-reflect on who they are as a person. One thing that I always like to ask my patient’s, regarding their self-worth, is how has your sex life affected who you are as a person?

Sex is not just a biological concept. Sexual relationships with yourself, and others, can shape your worldview, how to navigate life, and how to relate to others on a deeper level. As an advocate for living life unapologetically, this also trickles down to how you get down in the bedroom. Having a Heaux Phase or having sex on your own terms (with consent), means being able to center your pleasure, your needs, and your desire to get exactly what you want out of life. That why I’m giving your 5 reasons why having a Heaux Phase can enhance your quality of life.

1. You Will Learn How to Center Your Pleasure.

Having a Heaux Phase does not mean you are out here sleeping with whoever whenever (but if you want to you can). You get to define what your Heaux Phase will look like and what you want to get out of it. Deciding on having a Heaux Phase actually takes strategic planning. You have to want to make the effort to make these connections with others, to get the result you want. Hopefully doing all of that makes your want to put yourself first. Take the time to learn what you do like and don’t like about sex. I mean why put yourself out there to not get exactly what you want? You get to make these interactions on your terms, with your consent 100% of the time. If the interaction no longer suits you then you know it’s time to move on.

2. You Will Learn How Much (Or Little) Sex Influences Your Decision Making.

As you embark on this new adventure over time you learn more about yourself and how you relate to others sexually. During this phase you’re able to see if sex really is as important as it seems, or if it’s something you do not have to engage in often. Maybe it’s the non-sexual intimacy that you’re after or just good conversations. On the flip side of that if you do enjoy the sexual connection run with it make eat interaction count.

3. You Will Learn Other People’s Perception of You Doesn’t Matter.

Listen, people are going to talk about you whether you’re doing good or bad. It’s up to you to decide if you want to give others your energy to pull you down. Are you worried about making a negative reputation for yourself? Why? Nobody really knows what goes down between your sheets except for the people directly involved. If people want to know so bad what you got going on, they will come to you for tea. However, I say all this to say WHO GONNA CHECK YOU?! You are a consenting adult. Nobody has the right to put you down or to judge you, and if they do they do not deserve your time and energy. It’s up to you to live your best life, WHATEVER that means to you!

4. You’ll Have the Opportunity to Date Multiple People at a Time.

It you get nothing else from this post, I want to normalize dating multiple people at a time. Until you have defined your relationship, and the exclusivity of it, you have the right to date others as you see fit. You may learn that you like partner 1 because of common interests but partner 2 has better conversation. This variety teaches you not to settle. However, I do urge you to be honest with your partners about it. I am giving you permission to live your best life, but I don’t want you to risk your life doing so. If you are having sex with multiple people, it is important that you are being safe doing so. It’s important that your converse with all of your partners about what methods you want to use to practice healthy sex.

Credit: Dainis Graveris, Sexual Alpha

5. It will Prepare You for Your Next Relationship.

When you put 1-4 together and have taking the time to really get to know yourself, you will know exactly what you want out of your next relationship. At this point you’ll know exactly what you want and exactly what you deserve out of life and how you relate to others. Having a Heaux Phase teaches you not to settle, but to demand everything you want and need. Having a Heaux Phase will give you the confidence to be yourself unapologetically so that you can move around this world, how it suits you.

Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there to try something new. There’s something liberating about being able to live your life for you. I would encourage you to try it, it you want. Guess what? If you don’t like it, you have the right to try something different. Make 2021 your year!

Tia E.

Photo by Shingi Rice on Unsplash

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