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  • Writer's pictureTia E.

I’m Bringing Sexy Back

Let’s face it, sometimes we just don’t feel sexy. It’s easy to fall into this rut when we become complacent in life, with our relationships, children, school, work etc. When you don’t think about it, it’s easy for it to no longer become a priority and it gets pushed to the wayside, until one day you look in the mirror and wonder “How did I get here?”. It’s ok, you are not alone this is a normal part of life. HOWEVER everybody has a sexy personality deep inside us. Our sexuality or how we express ourselves to the outside world is just another entity that defines us. It is important to take time to work on and maintain what it is that we want others to see or desire in us. As a therapist I preach that in order for others to be attracted to you, you must feel attracted to yourself. No one can make you feel this way but yourself. Here are five ways to help you bring that sexy out!


Words of Affirmation.

There’s power in the tongue! Use it to your advantage. What you put out in the atmosphere is what you will get back. Start thinking about at least three physical features you find attractive in yourself. For example: I have sexy lips, My booty is fat, My eyes are enticing, My abs are rock hard. Once you have found three or more features that you are comfortable with saying aloud, write them down. Maybe on sticky notes you can post around the house, or on the mirror with a washable marker. These should then be placed somewhere that you will see every day, such as the bathroom or bedroom. Now read them aloud at least three times each. In the morning when you’re getting ready, on your commute to work, and in the evening before bed. Keep saying them as much as possible until you truly believe it, and it becomes second nature. When this has become a habit, give yourself three more features and repeat. Now watch and see how others begin to respond to you.


Change Up Your Wardrobe.

I had an ex tell me (when we were still in the relationship) that he felt like I dressed better for work than I did on the weekends. Now granted I get paid to look professional, and although I try not to wear slacks on the weekend, it made me take a step back to look at what I’m wearing, how I’m wearing it, and the messages I was putting out about my appearance whether it was positive or negative. Take a minute and reflect. How do you dress on the weekend? How do you dress for work? If you were on the outside looking in would you stop and talk to someone who dressed like you? If you answered no, it’s time to change some things around. I’m going to challenge you. Change your outfit choices up at least twice a week. One during your work week, and one on a day off. Pick something that you like, but you’ve been weary of wearing for whatever reason (as long as it is appropriate) and go for it. It’s time to step outside your comfort zone!

Change Your Grooming Habits.

Now I’m not saying, or assuming you have sub-par hygiene or grooming habits at all. I’m simply encouraging you to enhance your regimen. Examples can include switching up on your perfume/cologne, trying a new lipstick or makeup (if that’s your thing), Growing out, or shaving facial hair, a new hairstyle. Anything to break of your normal routine is ideal here!


Dance Like No One is Watching.

When’s the last time you turned on Pandora and danced around to your jams? This is one of my personal favorites. One of the best ways to get in tune with yourself is by dancing. You can do this all over the house, or in your favorite room in your home. Practice how you walk, how you turn, how you grace the world with your presence. A bonus to this, is to try it in front of the mirror, especially a full length mirror. I say this because you can pay attention to the way your body moves, and responds to the music. Also this is a great way to work on your facial features, to teach you how to work the room, with your smile and your eyes. Even if you don’t think you’re sexy enough FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT!  Soon enough it will reflect in your conversations with other, and the way you move (literally) in the world.



Now this is another favorite of mine. The best love is self-love, and I am such an advocate for masturbation. Now I’m not talking about the quick rub down just to climax, but actually take time to make love to yourself. Start with a hot bath or shower, light some candles, queue up your favorite flick, play some baby making music, rub your body down in some nice lotion and take time to learn/know your body. This exercise validates your needs and desires to be touched by someone else (if that’s your goal). If you can turn yourself on to want to take your time with your own body, you can entice someone else to do the same. When engaging in this exercise climaxing should not be the goal, but a product of the goal. A bonus to this is that masturbating reaffirms how you like, and don’t like to be touched. This will then correlate to how you respond sexually to your partner(s).


What do you think? What else would you add to this list? If you’ve tried these and still feel like you haven’t snapped back into your sensual self. Make an appointment with me and we can figure it out together, but I’m going to ask you…….. Can We Go Deep?

Tia Evans

Certified Sex Therapist

Photo by Kyle Glenn on Unsplash

Photo by Yuris Alhumaydy on Unsplash

Photo by Joey Nicotra on Unsplash

Photo by Leon Liu on Unsplash

Photo by Gift Habeshaw on Unsplash

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