She’s Not a Savage, She’s Hurt: 5 Things to Consider Before Approaching a New Love Interest.
In today’s society, it seems dating has become a lost art form. The idea of one person contacting another person, for an in person date (before social distancing), consisting of some type of entertaining, and meaningful conversation seems obsolete and unheard of for many. With the hookup culture, and “predating” being at the forefront of social media it’s understandable while some people have begun to consider anything more “too much”. While it is possible to snag a partner that way, there are many who desire “traditional” dating. It’s important to know which side of the fence you are on when trying to approach someone new. Below I have given you five then things to consider when seeking out new love.
1. What are your standards and expectations?
Maybe the person you are considering talking to has more than you can offer. This doesn’t mean you are not worthy of being loved, but what exactly are you looking for? What do you have to bring to the table, and are you willing to meet that person’s expectations, and where they are in life? You have to realize that everyone is different, and with that comes with the realization that what worked for one person simply may not be enough for the next. Be open and honest with what you are looking for. Pretending that you can provide, just to get that person in bed, is exactly what causes some folks to shut down and take on that “savage persona”. Going into a situation with ill will or selfish intentions is wrong.
2. Maybe they are tired of hearing the same thing.
How are you approaching that person? Are you spitting some silly line you saw work for somebody else? Or are you watching and waiting for an opportune time to approach them, and to see if they are even available to share some of their time. Can you back up what you promise after getting their attention, and if so what makes you different than their last situation? If you are really serious about getting to know someone you must put in the work to stand out, after all you could just be one in the lineup. Fight for what you want, and if you’re not willing to do that bow out gracefully.
3. Can you be consistent?
What you do to get someone is what you have to do to keep them, and maintain the relationship. Don’t start out by wining and dinning someone, sending roses to the job, and washing their car once a week if you’re not willing to do that 6 months, 2, 5 years in. That simply not fair, and is false advertisement. Now of course this is not solely based on materialistic things. Are you going to keep up with those good morning texts, those weekly home cooked meals, and showing of your love on social media? Committing to someone is more than just being faithful; it means putting in the work and making sure your actions match your words consistently.
4. Are they available?
You cannot assume that the person you are interested in is available. This is more than a person just being single. Are the available emotionally, mentally, physically? This is something out of your control, and you cannot force someone into being available. This is something you have to either bide your time for (not by always being in their face and/or stalking them digitally/physically don’t be creepy) by doing your own thing and allowing them to come to you when they are ready or by letting the idea go and living life for you. Don’t take it personal, you would want someone in your life that can give their all to you, without reservation.
5. Are they into you?
This may come as an ego blow to some, but you are not God’s gift to the world. Everyone will not be into you, and you are not above rejection. If you approach someone and they make it clear they are not interested, for any reason, back off! Coercion will not get you closer to that person, and can easily create resentment towards you. Accept that you are not what they person is looking for and keep it moving. It will be ok, I promise.
Dating is hard and requires true effort. The most important thing you can do is to be open and honest with yourself and what you are willing to do to make it work. Are you going to enhance someone’s life, or be a hindrance? Knowing yourself is the key.