Raise your hand, or nod your head if you have used lube, or are open to using lube. Lubricant (lube) is a product use to assist or enhance a sexual experience by adding extra “wetness” to the genitals. If you know me ( you probably don’t) then you know I am a huge advocate for lube. Unfortunately it wasn’t until I became more comfortable in my own sexuality that I learned it was ok to use lube. So I want to share with you something I wish was taught to me at a younger age. There are many different types of lube, and I will briefly go over those different types below. But before I do, I want to break down some stigmas and barriers around why people choose not to use lube (even if they need it)…..
There’s this kinda lube shame going around that states if you need lube for vaginal penetration that A. The person receiving the penetration has some dry/bad/old/boring (you fill in the blank) vagina or B. The person doing the penetration, does not know what they are doing/the stroke game is whack/or the penis (if a penis is being used) isn’t big enough. Stop it ok, just stop it. This is silly. There are a number of reasons why during sex, the vagina tends to dry out. In general let’s think about it. THERE’S A LOT FRICTION! The simple physics of vaginal penetration dictates that over time the vagina will dry out. THIS IS NORMAL Plus things that are being inserted in lieu of a raw penis such as a sex toy/or condoms or more likely to dry out the vagina in a higher rate of speed. Other factor such as mood, hormones time of day can change a person’s natural lubrication. So why not use lube to keep the party going?
Now I do agree that there are some people out there who are able to maintain the same level of wetness through the entire penetrative act, and they feel like lube may not beneficial for them. Well guess what? If that is you, you can use lube too!!!! What if I told you, that lube on top of your natural lubrication can actually cause the vagina to get wetter?! It’s like an extra bang (literally) for your buck. So again I ask you why not use lube to keep the party going?
All I’m saying is consider it, try it, and hey if you don’t like you never have to use it again….. Now that I may have sold you on it, let’s talk a little bit about some different types of lube. Disclaimer: the below information is not intended to be used to diagnose, or treat any medical condition/issue. Information used below is to be done so at your own risk.
These are household products whose main ingredient is oil. So your baby oils, lotions, coconut oils, butters and petroleum jellies. I personally and professionally do not recommend these for ANY type of penetrative play, as they have not been designed for such use, and can cause bodily harm because of this. Plus many of these have a fragrance that can cause unwanted irritation. ALSO most oiled based lube can cause condoms to BREAK, increasing your risk for unwanted pregnancies and STIs.
Water based lube typically say on the bottle “Water Based” or the number one ingredient is water. These lube are awesome when using condoms and/or sex toys. Water based lubes are easily assessable in most big retailer and drugs stores. They come in liquid/gels, hypoallergenic, organic and vegan. The downside to water based lube is that, it washes off quickly so it’s not so beneficial in the water, and it also may need to be reapplied during the penetrative act. However it may be a more affordable option for you.
Silicone Based, like water based lubes will state so on the bottle. These can be found in drug stores, specialty sex shops and online. Silicone lubes are thicker than water based so they tend to last a little longer, while not needing as much ( a little bit goes a long way). Silicone based lubes are great for use in the water, and usually take hot water and soap to wash off. Silicone lubes also play well with latex condoms. However they MAY NOT play well with silicone based sex toys.
So I challenge you: Consider adding lube to your sexual tool box, you just might like it. If your partner acts surprised and wants to know where you learned that from. Tell them T taught me!
T The Sex Therapist